so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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