either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
