Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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