Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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