AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
