fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
