Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
