Yo dont text me then not text me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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