you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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