Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
