my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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