things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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