Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize