Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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