Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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