dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I faked an abortion last night.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
