yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
