dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
