Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
