Ambien. No doubt about it.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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