Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just wanna soil my oats bro
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
