nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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