I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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