Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
