We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
