I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
