I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Who died my cat blue again?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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