is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
