Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
