i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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