She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize