I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
