Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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