i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
