You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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