god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize