He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize