it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
