I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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