trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
