is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
