he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
