i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
