I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
