It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
