Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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