His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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