Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
