I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
