I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
