maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
there was a trapeze. enough said
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
