wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize