i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
