Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
