do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
