can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize