The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
a search helicopter?!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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