mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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