Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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