The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
