Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
