If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
