i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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