No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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