The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
