You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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