i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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