I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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