and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
