There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
