so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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