I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
