is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize