i'm signing you up for texting rehab
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
