That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
one might say we're banned from that church
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
