Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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