Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize