Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
