I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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