i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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