Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize