It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
