allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
