Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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