1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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