Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
